Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Having it all?


I'm 29 and I'm single.

And I'm happy, most of the time. But I would like someone to share life's journey with.

Having said all that, I wasn't thrilled to read that there are fewer eligible men than there are single ladies in my age group. I'm not a betting girl, but I know they're not good odds!

This Bernard Salt bloke has sent me into a bit of a spin. Don't scare me with your stats, crazy numbers man!

And don't get me started on the Catholic Church's suggestion that my fellow single girls and I are "too picky".

Whoa up! There's a difference between being picky and not settling for 'almost right'.

(Plus, I've said yes to every blind date/set up/dare that's been thrown my way. And always say yes to a second date! Picky, I think not.)

Reverend Father Tony Kerin, episcopal vicar for justice and social service in the Archdiocese of Melbourne says that "in trying to have it all, they end up missing out"

Who? 

They as in young, intelligent, motivated, driven, successful women? Does he mean my wonderful group of strong, independent beautiful friends?

I have friends who are home owners, successful businesswomen, stay at home mums, athletes, artists, renters, world travellers . . . the list goes on, and they all lead fulfilling, rewarding and enriched lives. Most of them have partners, so does that mean they "have it all"? Maybe they do, so one could argue they haven't missed out.

And because I'm single, does that mean I don't "have it all"? I'm more likely to . . . "have it some"?

This whole "having it all" concept has me perplexed. I think you can have whatever you want. Why can't we have our cake and eat it too? Why should we have to settle for a less than fabulous life? None of my friends have, they've all built beautiful, happy lives for themselves and I expect the same for myself. Who wants to lead a mediocre life?

So maybe I am picky. Maybe I'm waiting for my Prince Charming and still have to work my way through a few more frogs. But that's okay, because if I wasn't so picky, if I settled as Fr Kerin suggests, then maybe I'd be stuck with a cane toad instead of holding out for the one meant for me.

And we all know what you do with cane toads. Hit them with golf clubs. That wouldn't fare well in Court if that toad was my husband.

So yes, I'm picky and yes I want it all. And yes I'm frustrated and impatient and in the words of my hero dear Charlotte York, I'm sick of asking "where is he?!"

But as a darling friend told me last week, wouldn't you rather be single wishing you were married, than married wishing you were single?

I am 29 and I am single and I don't have it all, but I don't have it less. I have what I have and I refuse to believe that I'm "missing out".

Don't put pressure on us, you "experts"! We give ourselves a hard enough time.

PS. If you know where "he" is, please send him my way!

26 comments:

Peach Macarons said...

Loved your post. It wasn't so long a go I was 29 and thinking exactly the same thing! But things changed very quickly after I turned 30. Now married with a 1 yr old girl. I think the most important thing is to be happy with who you are and where you are in life. No judgment or comparisons to anyone else. Stay open and in time the right person will come into your life at the right time. Keep shinning! x

Anonymous said...

Oh Kate, this is a great piece. If I find him I'll send him to you.

And your friend sounds very wise.

Alice xx

Anonymous said...

You really are amazing Kate!

See you Sat at Black Cav (another single lady who is just fine as she is - some say the best in the world. Bet her partnered up friends are jealous!)

love flavs xx

xx D said...

Oh do I comment..I have a 'he' and he would be perfect..35, 6'7ft and just a little lovely..just as frustrated that he hasnt met his 'she'...

Kate said...

Oh Peach Macarons, thank you for the optimism! Great to have you stop by (and even sweeter for you to leave a comment!) Nice to come across another Adelaide native (even if the bright lights of Melbourne stole you away!). Your blog is gorgeous, what a great introduction this has been! Thank you xo

Kate said...

Thanks Alice, I do have wonderful friends x

Kate said...

Flavso, what a sweetheart! Yes, I'll be at the Goodwood. No idea what I'm wearing but all will be fine once I paint on some hot pink lippy!

Kate said...

D! He sounds perfect . . . any baggage? (There I go being picky again!) Ha ha x

Kelly Green said...

Yes, be picky and don't settle! Your time will come and when it does life will change forever so enjoy what you have now and keep doing what you are doing, 'cos you just never, ever know what's around the corner! KG xx

Chimmy said...

Thank You!!!!

Keep Calm and Wait for Your Mr. Darcy!

He is out there somewhere. I'm waiting for mine too and the stats annoy me too.

:)

Corri said...

Like like like. "Having it all" was actually the secret "title" of my speech at our wedding. It was kind of about how I just feel lucky for what I have everyday...even if I don't have that dream house or dream job yet...what a wonderful life I lead in a beautiful country! -even though I'm not in it right at this moment ;)

Also, Mum always told me "love comes when you least expect it"...so another reason to give more expect less. Seems like you have that down already Kate! Thanks for this piece!

Brooke said...

Bravo Kate!
Life is too short not to live fabulously. Why should anyone compromise that for the sake of a relationship?
And don't worry, he is out there. He just needs a little time to establish his career, become financially stable, date the wrong girls, and get just a little tired of the bachelor life. Then, he'll be a man really worth meeting...

Kate said...

Thanks KG - Mum has the same philosophy and never leaves the house without lippy! You never, ever know what's around the next corner!

Kate said...

Chimmy, glad to have someone on my side!

Kate said...

Hi Corri, glad you enjoyed the read! But if I had a dollar for everyone said that "love happens when you least expect it", I could retire to a tropical island and BUY myself a husband! I just wait in hope - glass half full, not half empty.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you! I am a single 36 year old living in NYC (not an easy place to date, trust me!). And can really relate to..."wouldn't you rather be single wishing you were married, than married wishing you were single?"
Seriously hit home, thanks!

Kate said...

Brooke, I love your optimism! Maybe I need to spend more time in the country . . . ha!

Kate said...

Anonymous, and there I was thinking every day in NYC was like an episode of SATC! It's reassuring to know ladies the world over face the same battles!

Lauren said...

I felt the same as you a year ago at 27!! I had a great business, great friends and a wonderful life and was waiting for Mr rite!! and I did the same with blind dates ect!! Just as I thought it was never going to happen for me I met Mr rite and he is perfect!!

Never ever settle for second best you are too good for that!! I love your Blog and think your fab. He is just around the corner. xx

Kate said...

Thanks Lauren! I do have to ask though, how DID you find him!?!?!?

jaimie michelle said...

I love this post! I completely know where you're coming from and I love that you wrote about it! Inspiring to the rest of us that love our lives but haven't found the one yet!

Jaimie
www.jaimiehart.blogspot.com

Lauren said...

I was out for drinks with a girlfriend on a friday night in the city (brisbane) and he came up and started talking to me!! I find going out on a friday early evening in the city for drinks is the best time to meet men as they are all business men, not drunk and wearing suits!!( love a man in a suit) Do you go out friday nights for drinks?

Ruby Wildflower said...

What if it's not "he" you are eternally searching? What if it's something inside of you? A greater connection with yourself? Find and establish that and I'm almost sure "he" will follow.
Also, poor toads. Poor, poor toads.

Kate said...

Lauren, I think you're spot on the money! I took a job out of the city two years ago and my social life has turned to rubbish ever since. Friday night drinks are the key to meeting new people - especially boys in suits! I need to make more of an effort to head into town after work rather than going straight home (for a night on the couch with a bowl of butter chicken!).

Thanks for the tip x

Sally Elson said...

Hi Kate,

I completely hear everything you are say! I was 29 and single and generally happy with my life, but would have liked to have met someone……and HATED people saying “it will happen when you least expect it” and “how can such a nice girl like you be single.”

Anyway fast forward 4 years and I am 33, happily married and up the duff!

I didn’t settle! But I do feel like my secret (and it doesn’t mean it works for everyone, - as I am sure you are acutely aware there is no recipe for this) was knowing what I wanted, and not just the usual; “tall, dark and handsome” or “blonde, blue eyes and sporty.” I spent some time looking introspectively at myself and my values and what I really wanted out of a relationship. In lots of ways it was what I had been doing with my career, my financial situation and lots of other less emotional parts of my life. I then wrote a quite specific list of values, conjuring up a picture of the person and how the relationship would work. For me this really made me focus on what was really important. I then met someone on a Sunday night at the pub, and I forgot all of these things that I had scripted 6 months prior…….until recently when I pulled out the list and reviewed it. My guy ticks all but one of these quite specific requirements on the list (and there were lots of things I could have got freaked out on – for one he was living with his mother at 40!!!). And I am not going to say he is perfect every minute of the day but he is perfect for me in everything that really matters!

Don’t settle, and know what is important……

Unfortunately you are not alone, I have some fabulous single girlfriends who otherwise have it all. Wouldn’t you rather have it all except a man, rather than having the wrong man and nothing else!

Sally

Kate said...

Sally! Thank you for your refreshing comment, it has given me hope! I am going to sort out my 'list' tonight and really focus on what I want from life. Your Mum has told me your story before and I have to admit, it's a bit of light at the end of the tunnel! Lovely to hear from you x